I told you about the bus stop slugfest? Well, I learned a lesson, didn’t I?
I did. And yet a die-hard hustler that I am,  I started selling outdoor boots. Now, each boot can fetch upward sh4500 if it is camera-acquired and a bit less if it is second fiddle. That means shoes are very attractive to the Robinhoods who distribute wealth in the ghetto. As such, traders have to be extra careful.

One time I was asked to deliver some hiking boots to a customer at Bora-bora hotel. A
bar. Kawangware being kawangware, I had to ngeta-proof the merchandise. I
called  Ricky my merchandising partner (we were not hawkers). This is how the ngeta proofing works; one hawker carries all the right leg shoes and the other carry’s the left leg shoes.
That way the shoes lose value and dissuade anyone from snatching the bag. It is perfect!
Now, from Kongo to Bora-bora is a distance. Reckoning that it is imprudent to waste valuable time, we stashed a sizeable number of pairs into backpacks and carried others in our hands for display effect. Lady luck was on our side in that before we could meet my buyer, we met some random guy at the Coast junction who liked the boots in our hands. I stopped to serve him as my partner walked on,
offsetting our proximity by about five metres. This is standard procedure to mitigate chances of an attack. We started haggling. I asked for 6K he countered with 1k. That is normal. Meanwhile, my partner too gets a potential customer and they start bartering. I notice that Ricky’s customer is interested in the same shoe as my customer. The setting was splendid! You see, when this happens it becomes easier and faster to close a deal, and at a handsome profit too. Why? Because each customer is rushed lest the competitor makes a decision faster than he. Maybe they have a name for the situation at MBA classes, I don’t know. But I know my haggle is now 1.5K customer/5K me. My colleague’s haggle is at 3K /6K. I can hear them.

“Sasa Njoro, mseiya!” A girl in a black dress and sleepy eyes shrills to my customer. Then without stopping, she adds
“jo hiyo jumu sinikali. Anadaisha mangapi?”
Njoro answers, “Ngovo” she comes back, a perplexed look on her face and inspects the shoe. I notice she is the type, not uncommon in Kawangware, that wears night dress to the shops at midday. She is wearing a lace night dress.
“Sou tano?” she enquires. Her yesterday’s lipstick is still peeling off.
“Tenga”
“Usiwachilie.” She says and proceeds on her way.

I learn my customer is Njoroge and he is thawing to the idea of parting with 5K after that encouragement from..eh….. a lady. He asks for the other pair to try on. I ask Ricky for the other shoe and start towards him.

As if triggered by my step, Ricky’s customer, shoe in one hand, explodes through the bumper to  bumper traffic, crosses the road and into some chochoro towards Gatina. Ricky takes a fraction of a second to react, jumps over a mkoko of garbage and pursues his customer down the alley. Am still watching the unfolding drama and I take ages nay an eon to realise what is going on. When I turn around, Njoro, my customer, my shoe in his hand, launches off in the opposite direction towards Kawangware Coast as if from a catapult.

I make some stomping noise with my feet and the already flying Njoro ratchets his speed higher a notch until his legs appear to leave the rest of his body behind.

Now the NYS season 2 featuring the Red-lipped Ngirita.

It appears like someone knows a thing or two about how to stretch the effectiveness of pursuers. No sooner had the bargaining at NYS season 2 opened at 9bn for the trackers of the loot to 900m for the looters, than someone threw a spanner into the works. Just when jukistopia was getting to wrap its head round nine billion shillings, we heard of some better juice. Maize scam 2018.

Maize scam 2018 is definitely more colourful than any of previous flavours (2016,
2015, 2014 or 2013). The one that would come close is the motley 2017 flavour.  You remember it?  The one where some Gringos in Puerto Vallarta received an LPO for maize, processed the order, loaded a the maize into a Spanish galleon, and sailed it from Mexico to Mombasa in a record three
days? Yeah, that one was classic.
 But the 2018 version, that one, it beats it hands down. It is reported that homegrown maize, as if possessed by kamuti, was filling the national granaries without a single grain leaving the farms. Now if that is not gaudy I don’t know what is. It has seen the sleuths abandoning the NYS arrestees lonely and dejected in the cold of May as the sleuths chase after the bhutta raiders.

But as I recall,  the brother to the protagonist in the form one story book, Bhutta Raid, ended up with a bloody nose after trying to snitch on his brother loudly at the school parade.

Now the NYS raiders are left to warm the cold Meru oak courtroom benches (some hospital beds) instead of cooling warm porridge at Naivasha Max.

Soon they will be off in one direction shaking their familiar kanungo jig, while the bhutta raiders take off in another direction and for good measure and moral support, the perennial Kenya Pipeline heist-lers, sh95 billion in the pocket, will skyrocket in a different direction.

Meanwhile, the sleuths and their handlers will be left stomping feet to create an illusion of hot pursuit.

Why do I say so?

Because many in jukistopia suspect they can guess where all the money ended up, and the heist happening in a campaign period for elections 2017, I suppose it shouldn’t be too difficult to see why. That is why, for these heists and other upcoming ones, you are likely to record the bare minimum noise that is necessary and sufficient for one to be counted on the correct side of protestation from:

– Politicians and tenderpreneurs who bought into the gravy train at sh10m per lunch plate.
– The political parties that sold lunch at sh10 million a plate or some such mind boggler.
– Churches that received millions in the name of Harambee even though they had no project
– Friends who developed colourful websites to showcase Potemkin villages that have now been washed away by rain
– A gullible electorate that having goofed have to defend their actions
– Those who painted thousands of cars red and the towns redder.
– Chopper owners and operators and their customers.